i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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