I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
