New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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