My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
