she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
