We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
