have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
