So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
