i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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