Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
