we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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