i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
