Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize