wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
