the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
