Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
