i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
