He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
