My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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