Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
