i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
