i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
