if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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