So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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