So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
