i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
