oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
