i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
