He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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