It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
