I hate all girls vehemently.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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