Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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