i think i have herpe
just one?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
