Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
