D3 body, D1 cock
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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