suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
