I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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