eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
