The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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