Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
