I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
