Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
