guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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