Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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