Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
