Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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