the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
