she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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