does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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