I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
