so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
