Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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