that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
