I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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