There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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