he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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