well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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