Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
