toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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