Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
