singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I just went to clothing optional bar
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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