She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
