Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
