haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
