i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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