I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
