I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
