I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
