The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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