thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize