It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
