I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
