ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
