i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
