Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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