The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
