I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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