I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
