It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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