Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
