I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
