we have officially lost it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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