Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
