Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
