He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
