She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
