Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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