Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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