where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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