She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
