she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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