i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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