don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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