So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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