so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
