They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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