I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
