yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize