apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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